ACT I

Scene: A Rocky Sea-side in Penzance, England circa 1910
when Feminism was just beginning to reshape English Culture.
The Lady Pirates of Penzance are having a big celebration.


OPENING CHORUS - Pirates led by Sandra



                  

Pirates:

Pour oh pour the pirate sherry
Fill oh fill the pirate glass
And to make us more than merry
Let the pirate bumper pass.

Sandra:

For today our pirate 'prentice
Rises from indentures freed
Strong her arm and keen her scent is
She's a pirate now indeed.

All:

Here's good luck to Farrah's ventures
Farrah's out of her indentures!

Sandra:

Twenty-something now she's rising
Details, more, we won't abide.
Since we're gals, it's not suprising
Age and weight are classified.

All:

Here's good luck to Farrah's ventures
Farrah's out of her indentures!

Pour oh pour...etc


[Farrah has just completed her apprenticeship to the lady 
pirates. Unfortunately it was all a mistake, as explained 
by her childhood bodyguard, Rupert.]

Queen:    Yes, Farrah, from to-day you rank as a full-blown
          member of our band.
All:      Hurrah!
Farrah:   My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your
          kindly wishes.  Would that I could repay them as they
          deserve!
Queen:    What do you mean?
Farrah:   Today I am out of my indentures, and today I leave
          you for ever.
Queen:    But this is quite unaccountable. A keener hand at
          scuttling a Cunarder or cutting out a White Star never
          shipped a handspike.
Farrah:   Yes, I have done my best for you.  And why?  It was my
          duty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty. 
          As a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band. 
          It was through an error - no matter, the mistake was
          ours, not yours, and I was in honour bound by it.
Sandra:   An error?  What error? 
Farrah:   I may not tell you. It would reflect upon my well-loved
          Rupert.
Rupert:   Nay, little mistress, my mind has long been gnawed by the
          cankering tooth of mystery.  Better have it out at
          once.

                     SONG - Rupert



When Farrah was a little lass, she proved so brave and daring,
Her mother thought she'd 'prentice her to some career seafaring.
Although I served as bodyguard, it somehow fell to my lot
To take and bind this promising child apprentice to a pilot.
It's middle class for a hardy lass and surely not a high lot.
This bodyguard would find it hard to make his girl a pilot. 

I was a seasoned bodyguard, from gun shots always veering
And I did not catch the word aright through being hard of hearing.
Mistaking my instructions which within my brain did gyrate
I took and bound this promising child, apprentice to a pirate.
A sad mistake it was to make and doom her to a vile lot.
(pirates grunt)
I bound her to a pirate, you, instead of to a pilot.

I soon found out beyond all doubt the scope of this diaster
But I hadn't the face to return to a place 
                                   where they'd kick me in the "aster." 
A bodyguard is never scarred by what you people call work.
So I made up my mind to go with your kind as the handiest-man-of-all-work.
And that is how you find me now among your anti-guy lot.
(pirates: Ha!)
Which you wouldn't have found had she been bound apprenticed to a pilot.


[Farrah only completed her apprenticeship due to her extreme sense of duty.
She now plans to leave the Pirates and Rupert insists on going with her. 
He is the only man Farrah has seen since she went to sea many years ago. 
This is because the lady pirates have always had a great sense of fair play 
and have never attacked a party less intelligent than themselves. Rupert, 
at 67, has convinced Farrah, who is 21, that he is the perfect man for her.
Farrah begs the Pirate Queen to give up her wild life but she refuses.
She adds that since Rupert is now leaving them, they will be on the hunt 
for men to serve as home-makers.]

Rupert:   Oh, pardon!  Farrah, pardon!  (kneels)
Farrah:   Rise, faithful one, I have long pardoned you.  (Rupert rises)
Rupert:   The two words were so much alike!
Farrah:   They were.  They still are, though years have rolled
          over their heads.  But this afternoon my obligation
          ceases.  Individually, I love you all with affection
          unspeakable; but, collectively, I look upon you with a
          disgust that amounts to absolute detestation.  Oh, pity
          me, my beloved friends, for such is my sense of duty
          that, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself
          bound to devote myself heart and soul to your
          extermination!
All:      Poor lass - poor lass!
Queen:    Well, Farrah, if you conscientiously feel that it is
          your duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting
          on that conviction.   Always act in accordance with the
          dictates of your conscience, my girl, and chance the
          consequences.
Sandra:   Besides, we can offer you but little temptation to
          remain with us.  We don't seem to make piracy pay.  I'm
          sure I don't know why, but we don't.
Farrah:   I know why, but, alas! I mustn't tell you.  It wouldn't
          be right.
Queen:    Why not, my lass?  It's only half-past eleven, and you
          are one of us until the clock strikes twelve.
Sandra:   True, and until then you are bound to protect our
          interests.
All:      Hear, hear!
Farrah:   Well, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you
          that you are too tender-hearted.  For instance, you
          make a point of never attacking a less intelligent party 
          than yourselves, and when you attack a smarter party you
          invariably get thrashed.
Queen:    There is some truth in that.
Farrah:   Then, again, you make a point of never molesting a feminist!
Sandra:   Of course, we are feminists ourselves, and are devoted to
          the cause.
Farrah:   Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? 
          Every one we capture says she's a feminist. The last
          three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by
          feminists...

          (pirates grunt)

          I mean peopled by feminists, and so we had to let them go.
          One would think that everyone in Great Britain was a feminist. 
          And if everyone was a feminist, why would we need feminism in the
          first place?
Samantha: But, hang it all!  you wouldn't have us absolutely
          merciless?
Farrah:   There's my difficulty. Until twelve o'clock I would,
          after twelve I wouldn't.  Was ever a woman placed in so
          delicate a situation?
Rupert:   And Rupert, your own Rupert, whom you love so well, and who
          has won his mature way into your girlish heart,
          what is to become of him?
Queen:    Oh, she will take you with her.
Farrah:   Well, Rupert, I feel some difficulty about you.  It is
          true that I admire you very much, but I have been
          constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and
          since we've never attacked a part we judge to be less
          intelligent than ourselves, yours is the only man's face I have
          seen during that time.  I think it is a handsome face.
Rupert:  It is - oh, it is!
Farrah:  I say I think it is.  That is my impression.  But as I
         have never had an opportunity of comparing you with
         other men, it is just possible I may be mistaken.
Queen:   True.
Farrah:  What a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry
         this amiable person, and then find out that he is, on
         the whole, unmanly!
Queen:   Oh, Rupert is very manly, very manly indeed.
SAMUEL:  Yes, there are certainly the remains of a fine man about Rupert.
Farrah:  Do you really think so?
Sandra:  I do.
Farrah:  Then I will not be so selfish as to take him from you. 
         In justice to him, and in consideration for you, I will
         leave him behind. 
Queen:   No, Farrah, this must not be.  We are militant feminists, 
         who lead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless
         as to deprive thee of thy love.  I think I am right in
         saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of
         this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear.
All:     Not one!
Queen:   No, I thought there wasn't.  Keep thy love, Farrah,
         keep thy love.  
Farrah:  You're very good, I'm sure.
Queen:   Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off. 
         Farewell, Farrah.  When your process of extermination
         begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you
         can conveniently make them.
Farrah:  I will!  By the love I have for you, I swear it!  Would
         that you could render this extermination unnecessary by
         accompanying me back to civilization!
Queen:   No, Farrah, it cannot be.  I don't think much of our
         profession, but, contrasted with household domestication, 
         it is far less depraved.  No, Farrah, I shall live and
         die a Pirate Queen.


    Song - Pirate Queen



        

Oh, better far to live and die
Under the bright red flag I fly
Than lead a household drudge of a life
Like some mid-Victorian English wife.

Oh, even a King on a first class throne
Who speaks to me in a scolding tone,
Will curse the day he crossed my path.
He'll feel the blow of a woman's wrath.

For I am a Pirate Queen!
And it is, it is a pleasure keen
To be a Pirate Queen!

Women: It is! Hurrah for our Pirate Queen!

As my posture swags and my buckles swash, 
I'll force the men to do the wash. 
I'll bring them up to swab the decks
If they've little shorts and bulging pecs.

When I'm at the shore or on the seas
I walk and banter as I please.
The man who thinks that I'm not "nice"
Can eat my lead and bite me twice.

For I am a Pirate Queen!
And it is, it is a pleasure keen
To be a Pirate Queen!

Women: It is! Hurrah for our Pirate Queen!


[The pirates leave and soon Farrah sees a group of strong young men 
approaching the sea-shore. She realizes Rupert had been lying to her 
all those years at sea.]

Rupert: Finally alone! Farrah, I could never live without you!
Farrah: Rupert, I will be quite candid with you.  You are very
        dear to me, as you know, but I must be circumspect. 
        You see, you are considerably older than I.  A lass of
        twenty-one usually looks for a husband of... fifty?
Rupert: A husband of fifty?  You will find me a husband of a thousand!
Farrah: No, but I shall find you a husband of sixty-seven, and
        that is quite enough. Rupert, tell me candidly and
        without reserve: compared with other men, how are you?
Rupert: I will answer you truthfully, mistress:  I'm slightly
        deaf, but otherwise I am quite up to speed.
Farrah: Yes, I know all about that, but I was referring rather to
        your personal appearance. Compared with other men,
        are you handsome?
Rupert: I have been told so, my mistress.
Farrah: Ah, but lately?
Rupert: Oh, no; years and years ago.
Farrah: What do you think of yourself?
Rupert: It is a delicate question to answer, but I think I am an
        excellent man. I am strong and bold - and I really know how 
        to cut a rug.
Farrah: That is your candid opinion?
Rupert: Yes, I should be deceiving you if I told you otherwise.
Farrah: Thank you, Rupert.  I believe you, for I am sure you
        would not practice on my inexperience.  I wish to do
        the right thing, and if- I say if- you are really an
        excellent man, your age shall be no obstacle to our union! 
         
       (Chorus of male students heard in the distance, singing 
        "climbing over rocky mountains.")  

        Hark! 
        Surely I hear voices!  Who has ventured to approach our
        all but inaccessible lair? Can it be the D'Oyly Carte?  No,
        it does not sound like the D'Oyly Carte. 
Rupert: Confusion!  it is the voices of young men!
        If she should see them I am lost.
Farrah: By all that's marvellous, a group of handsome young students!
Rupert: Lost!  lost!  lost!
Farrah: How manly, how surpassingly manly is the plainest of
        them! What strength - what posture - what slobs!  I do
        believe they're all drunk!
        Never-the-less, Rupert told me he was manly!


     DUET - Farrah and Rupert 

Farrah: Oh, false one! You have deceived me!
Rupert: I have deceived you?
Farrah: Yes, deceived me!
    
Farrah:   You told me you were strong and bold!
Rupert:   And mistress, am I not so?
Farrah:   And now I see you're weak and old!
Rupert:   I'm sure I'm not a jot so.
Farrah:   Upon my innocence you play.
Rupert:   I'm not the one to plot so.
Farrah:   You're face is lined. Your hair is gray.
Rupert:   It's gradually got so.
 
Farrah:  Faithless servant to deceive me
         I who trusted so!
Rupert:  Little mistress, do not leave me
         Hear me e're you go!

        My love without reflecting
        Oh, do not be rejecting.
        Take a young man tender - his affection raw and green
        At very highest rating
        Has been accumulating
        Summers seventeen - Summer seventeen!
        
        Don't, my little lady,
        Think my conduct shady.
        Where is such a passion as the passion I have here?
        My love unabating
        Has been accumulating
        Sixty-seven year!  Sixty-seven year!

Farrah: Yes, your little lady
        Senses conduct shady.
        Your love would be uncomfortably fervid, it is clear
        If, as you are stating
        It's been accumulating
        Sixty-seven year - sixty-seven year!
         

[Rupert runs off in despair and Farrah realizes the students 
 are just around the corner.]

      
             Recit - Farrah

          What shall I do?  Before these handsome fellows
          I dare not show in this alarming costume!
          No, no, I must remain in close concealment
          Until I can appear in decent clothing!


          CHORUS - Climbing Over Rocky Mountains

Brothers: Climbing over rocky mountains, Downing beers from golden fountains, Passing out from swollen livers, Passing out from swollen livers Trying to avoid the rivers, As we fall from brewer's grain, from brewer's grain. Simple trails become like mazes As we walk in in drunken dazes, As we walk in drunken, drunken dazes. Ev'ry brother in a stupor Proves he's not a party pooper As this party scene we gain! Edwin: Let us gaily sing our motto: Drink until we're falling blotto, Beer can be a true ally, Though we'll sober by-and-by. Brothers: Beer can be a true ally, Though we'll sober by-and-by. Edwin: Drinking etiquette we'll pick up We won't burp but sometimes hiccup; Since the gasses quickly die, Greet them gaily as they fly. Brothers: Though the gasses quickly die, Greet them gaily as they fly. Kent: Revelling in alchohol We may romp but we don't brawl. It's a call for everyone To enjoy a world of fun. Here we'll drink without a fear. None would guess that we've been here. If we wrote our names, they'd know. We've got beer but there's no snow. Brothers: If we wrote our names, they'd know. We've got beer but there's no snow. Let us gaily sing our motto, etc. [The brothers decide to strip to the waist and play badmitton. Farrah steps forward to let them know they are not alone... after the fourth set.] Kent: What a picturesque spot! I wonder where we are! Edwin: And I wonder where Mama is. We have successfully managed to leave her ever so far behind. (everyone laughs) Ackerley: Unfortunately, she will be here presently! We'd best indulge to excess while we can. Kent: How thoroughly delightful it is to be so entirely unsupervised! Why, in all probability we are the first human beings who ever set foot on this dangerous spot. Akerley: Except the mermaids--it's the very place for mermaids. Kent: Ah, but they are only human beings down to their bare waists. (everyone rushes to shore and stares, hoping) Edwin: (sarcastically) And who cannot strictly be said to set foot anywhere because they only exist in storybooks. Akerley: I knew that! Kent: Well, what shall we do until mama and the servants arrive with the luncheon? Edwin: We are quite alone, and the sun is brighter and warmer than any sane person would expect for the the end of February. Suppose we take off our shirts and tan our young viral bodies? All: Yes, yes! The very thing! Farrah: Stop, men, I pray! Brothers: A babe! Farrah: I had intended Not to intrude myself upon your notice In this effective but alarming costume; But under these peculiar circumstances, It is my bounden duty to inform you That your proceedings will not be unwitnessed! Edwin: And who are you dear? Speak! Farrah: Farrah the Pirate! Brothers: A pirate? Wonders! (they chuckle) Farrah: Brothers, do not mock me! This morning I renounced my vile profession And, to that end, oh gentlemen upstanding! Oh, fine embodiments of manly virtue! (Ackerley hiccups) I, sore at heart, implore your kind assistance. Edwin: How marvelous her tale! Kent: How rare her beauty! Brothers: How marvelous her tale! How rare her beauty! SONG - Farrah Oh, is there not one man who's blessed With fantasies of moral beauty Like making worldly interest Subordinate to sense of duty? Who'd not abandon willingly All matrimonial tradition And rescue such an one as I From her unfortunate position? Men: Alas - there's not one man who's blessed With fantasies of moral beauty Like making worldly interest Subordinate to sense of duty. Oh is there not one dullard here Whose constant bouts with love's rejection Have caused all hope to disappear Of winning any maid's affection? If such an one if such there be I swear by Heaven's arch above you If you will give your name to me How-ever lame you be I'll love you! Men: Alas, there's not one dullard here Whose constant bouts with love's rejection Have caused all hope to disappear Of winning any maid's affection. Farrah: Not one? Men: No, no - not one. Farrah: Not one? Men: No, no - Mason: Yes one! Men: 'Tis Mason! Mason: Yes 'tis Mason! Recit - Mason Oh, brothers, deaf to pity's name, For shame! It's true that she has gone astray, But pray Is that a reason good and true Why you Should all be deaf to pity's name? Brothers: The question is, had she not been A thing of beauty, Would he be swayed by quite as keen A sense of duty? Mason: For shame, for shame, for shame! SONG - Mason Poor Falt'ring one Though thou hast surely strayed Take heart of grace, Thy steps retrace Be not afraid! Poor Falt'ring one! If such poor love as mine Can help thee find True peace of mind Why take it, it is thine! Men: Take heart - if it empowers! Take Mason's heart - not ours! Take heart - virtue will shine They have no heart - take mine! (aside and in replacement of the coloratura) Would a pirate wife be really right? At the least she'd teach me how to fight. Though I'm feeble at most everything I could teach her how to dance and si-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-ing! (aloud) Poor falt'ring one ...etc. Brothers: Poor Falt'ring one! Vi-IR-tue will shine! Brothers: Poor Falt'ring one! Ta-AKE heart take mine! Virtue will shine. Take heart take ha - ha - ha - ha ...etc. Take heart! Edwin: Should we stay or go? ev'ry brother, say! Unwritten rules, we know, Say we ought to stray; While decency exclaims, "Keep them on a tether- Stop those little games Sweethearts play together." Kent: His case will, any day, Be yours and yours and mine. Brothers always stay, Acting out of line. Let's objectify With comments bold and rauncious. Let us stand near by And make them both self-conscious. Brothers: Yes, yes, let's them both self-conscious! Chattering chorus: How beautifully blue her eyes, Her ankles are the perfect size, Her hair is fine. I hope it's real Her shoulders make a grand appeal. She's such a pretty litte miss, I wonder if he'll steal a kiss For women say - I know not why, "The boy's a fool - he's much too shy." Solo - Mason Did ever man awake From dream of homely duty, To find his daylight break With such exceeding beauty? Did ever fellow close His eyes on waking sadness, To dream of such exceeding gladness? Farrah: Ah, yes! ah, yes! this is exceeding gladness Brothers: How beautifully blue her eyes ...etc. Solo - Farrah Did ever pirate loathed Forsake her hideous mission, To find herself betrothed To someone of position? ENSEMBLE Farrah Mason Brothers Did ever pirate loathed Did ever man awake How beautifully Forsake her hideous mission From dream of homely duty ...etc. To find herself betrothed To find his daylight break To someone of position? With such exceeding beauty? RECIT - Farrah Stay, we must not lose our senses; They who stick at no offences Just might soon be here! Piracy their dreadful trade is; None of them behave like ladies, That is very clear. Brothers: No, we must not lose our senses, Lo, they stick at no offences We should not be here! Piracy their dreadful trade is; None of them behave like ladies, Let's go buy more- (Brothers say "uh-oh" instead of screaming.) Brothers: Too late! Pirates: Ha, ha! Brothers: Too late! Pirates: Ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho, ho! ENSEMBLE Pirates: Brothers: Here's a first-rate opportunity We have missed our opportunity To get housemates with impunity. Of escaping with impunity. We can manage the unthinkable They can manage the unthinkable Since they're drunk on all that's Since we're drunk on all that's drinkable. drinkable. But we women won't be womanized, But these women won't be womanized, All the men will be domesticized All of us will be domesticized On the good ship "Lost Viriginity" On their ship the "Lost Viriginity" Which is located in this vicinity. Which is located in this vicinity. All: On the good ship "Lost Virginity" Which is docked in this vicinity. Oh the good ship the good ship the good ship "Lost Virginity!" Recit - Mason & Sandra Mason: Hold, monsters! Ere you etiquette infractionists Proceed to let your passions run amiss, Just bear in mind that they are stern reactionists, And mother is a well read governess! Sandra: I must admit, I have to laugh at this. Their mother is a well read governess. Brothers: Yes, yes, she is a well read governess! Stanley: Yes, yes, I am a well read governess! Sandra: For she is a well read governess! All: She is! Hurrah for the well read governess! Stanley: And it is it is a life of bliss To be a well read governess! All: It is! Hurrah for the well read governess! Song - Governess Stanley I am a very educated governess in general, I've information animal and veg'table and mineral, I know the Queens of England, and I teach the arts historical From Renaissance to modern times, in order categorical. I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, For dinner party excellence, I'm teeming with a lot o' news, Like how to fold a napkin so you get a nice hypotenuse. All: Like how to fold a napkin, etc. Stanley: I'm very good at integral and differential calculus. I know the scientific names of beings animalculous. In short, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, I am a very educated governess in general. All: In short, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, She is a very educated governess in general. Stanley: I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's. I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox. I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous; I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies, I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes! Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And tell you why to keep your daughters out of "Children's Pinafore." All: And tell you why to keep your daughters ...etc. Stanley: Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform, And tell you ev'ry detail of Godiva's riding uniform: In short, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, I am a very educated governess in general. All: In short, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, She is a very educated governess in general. Stanley: Though I know less of birds and bees than leaders of the diocese Though I can't tell at sight a case of measles from psoriasis, When I admit my personal opinions will take prevalance Although rejected by the Institution of Benevolence When I ignore the progress that's been made in modern funnery, When I know more of rearing than a novice in a nunnery- In short, when I've a smattering of hobby horsing strategy, You'll say a better well read governess has never sat a gee. All: You'll say a better well read... etc. Stanley: For my pediatric knowledge though I'm plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century; But still, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, I am a very educated governess in general. All: But still, in matters animal and veg'table and mineral, She is a very educated governess in general. [Being well-read, Governess Stanley has heard of the Pirates of Penzance and knows their weakness.] Stanley: And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what's going on. Kent: Oh, mama, we- Sandra: Permit me, I'll explain in six words: we propose to marry your sons. Stanley: Dear me! Brothers: Against our wills, mama - against our wills! Stanley: Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask- this is a picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it. What are you? Queen: We are all militant feminists. Stanley: Yes, I gathered that. Anything else? Queen: No, nothing else. Edwin: Mama, don't believe them; they are pirates- the famous Lady Pirates of Penzance! Stanley: The Lady Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them. Mason: All except this fine woman (indicating Farrah), who was a pirate once, but who is out of her indentures to- day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore. Stanley: But wait a bit. I object to pirates as daugthers-in-law. Queen: We object to governesses as mothers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it. Stanley: (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone? Queen: Well, hell, that's what'll happen to us if we don't abduct your sons! Stanley: Tell me, could you really perpetuate this crime against... a sister feminist? Pirates: Oh, dash it all! Queen: Here we are again! Stanley: Oh, crew of dismal destiny Oh, ladies, pra-ay give pause. A feminist before you, see. I have a noble cause. Queen: A noble cause? Sandra: A noble cause? Pirates: You say a noble cause? Stanley: These children whom you see, I'm rearing as a woman should. Pirates: You go girl! Stanley: Throughout their time with me, They learn equality is good. Pirates: You go girl! Stanley: They'll, sexist views, repent And seek to change sex-biased laws. My time has been well-spent For this experiment Should change their sad sad values for a noble noble cause! Pirates: You go girl! Her time has been well-spent For this experiment Should change their sad sad values for a noble noble cause! Queen: A noble cause! Sandra: A noble cause! Her time has been well-spent For this experiment Should change their sad sad values for a noble noble cause! Pirates: You go girl! Stanley: I'm telling a terrible story But it doesn't diminish my glory For they've got a lecherous notion Forcing my boys to the ocean. So I had to, in eloquent diction, Indulge in a innocent fiction Which is not in the same category As telling a regular terrible story. Sons: She's telling a terrible story But it doesn't diminish her glory For they've got a lecherous notion Forcing us boys to the ocean. So she had to, in eloquent diction, Indulge in a innocent fiction Which is not in the same category As telling a regular terrible story. Pirates: If she's telling a terrible story She'll die by a death that is gory One of the crulest slaughters That ever were known in these waters. And we'll finish this moral affliction By a very complete malediction, As a compliment validictory If he's telling a terrible story. Queen: Although our dark career Sometimes involves the crime of stealing We woudn't intefere With noble causes so appealing. Although we live by strife We're steered by values that direct us. For what we ask is life Where all the laws and men respect us. All: Hail, Woman-kind, thou un-sung race. The World around thee is thy place. Rise, valiantly to any deed. Rejoice! Rejoice! Thy spirit e'er is freed! Queen: You may go, for you're at liberty, our pirate rules protect you, And honorary members of our band we do elect you! Sandra: For she has a noble cause! Chorus: She does! Hurrah for her noble cause! Stanley: And you're sure to gain applause If you've a noble cause. Chorus: You are! Hurrah for your noble cause! Hurrah for your noble cause! Ensemble: Oh, happy day, with joyous glee They will away and married be! Should it befall auspiciously, His (Our) brothers all will best men be! (Rupert enters with a bimbo on each arm) Rupert: Oh, mistress, please forgive me, don't be irate. I've found two gals who want to date a pirate! Pirates: Yes, yes, two gals who want to date a pirate! Farrah: Away, you're so deceiving! Pirates: Away, you're so deceiving! Rupert: Seeing's believing! (tips Pirate hat) Pirates: Seeing's believing! Farrah: You'll soon be grieving! Pirates: You'll soon be grieving! Farrah: I hope you're leaving! Pirates: She hopes you're leaving! ENSEMBLE Pirates: WOMEN Pray observe our deed benevolent Pray observe their deed benevolent Since a noble cause was prevalent. Since a noble cause was prevalent. Never was such opportunity Never was such opportunity To get husbands with impunity, To get husbands with impunity, But we give up the felicity But they give up the felicity Of unbounded domesticity, Of unbounded domesticity, Though the good ship Lost Virginity Though the good ship Lost Virginity Is located in this vicinity. Is located in this vicinity. END ACT I

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